The Concrete Wall
by Darth Tromeros
Summary: "His hand rose and brushed against the wall. This is where she had gone. This is where it had all ended." Yep, another Doomsday fic, only this one focuses on the Doctor. Sorry if it's bad; it's my first DW fic. Finished.
1. After She'd Gone

**A/N: So I'm taking my own shot at writing a Doomsday fic. I apologize if it's bad; I'm relatively new to this fandom and I've been wanting to write this since I saw it two weeks ago, even though I'm almost on series six now. Any how, I hope somebody finds something enjoyable.**

The silence that had taken the room was deafening. All there was left were white walls and a few scattered objects that had somehow managed not to be sucked into the vortex that had been open only a few seconds ago. Against the wall was the Doctor, slightly slumped over and face solemn. His arm was still clenched around the bar, aching to be released. He didn't notice.

All the voices and thoughts that whispered in his ears were silenced for the first time. There was only an image of fingers slipping and a body falling, blonde hair floating. It seemed like hours for the body to fall, stopping for a second to look back up and disappearing.

For once he failed to make sense of something. It happened right in front of him, but it couldn't process. It was just a bright light and a hand that let go at the wrong second.

His breathing was much less sporadic as he stood up and started for the wall she had vanished in. His legs felt numb as he walked, head swimming. Fingers, hair, nothing. Fingers, hair, nothing.

As he approached the wall, one word ran through the head.

_Rose._

His hand rose and brushed against the wall. This is where she had gone. This is where it had all ended.

For a moment he hoped he would feel the warmth of skin beneath him; the flash of a smile and soft brown eyes looking up at him. He hoped for an airy laugh and arms around his waist, her pressed against him. He hoped she would never let him go.

He hoped she hadn't let go.

The concrete beneath his hand was cold, reminding him that she had gone; reminding him he couldn't save her this time. It was a cruel smack to face as he remembered her looking up at him right before the vortex snapped shut, a desperate, shocked look that had disappeared as soon as it came.

He had screamed something, the sound of his own voice ringing in his ears.

_Rose._

Slowly, he put his cheek against the wall. His voice had faded into the faint sounds of his hearts beating. The wall was just as cold as before. He wanted to hear her, see her, feel her. He wanted to jump through the vortex and take her by the hand and whisper in her ear everything he wanted to say. He wanted to go back to the TARDIS and see her there, asking where they were going to next with the wide smile that she usually wore when they were together. He wanted to have his arm around her as they rested somewhere, the sounds of her breathing the only noise and her skin touching his.

There was only concrete and fingers slipping.

He knew it was silly to think he could hear Rose, but as he rested against that wall he could have sworn he heard the faint cry of a girl lost in a world that wasn't her own; a cry of a girl who had the man she had put her life in torn from her fingers. He thought for a minute he could feel her heartbeat through that damn concrete wall that had ended everything, and he wanted nothing more than her to be back next at him.

He felt absolutely dead. There was no regeneration. There was no new life. There was the absence of something that had been so wonderful. There was the faint chime of laughter from something that had seemed like years ago. There was the memory of her hand in his and promising forever.

_Rose._

The room was filled with noise of slow footsteps. He no longer felt the cool temperature of the wall beneath his fingertips.

He felt nothing.

His mind felt as if it were collapsing on his self. Hadn't he promised to keep her safe? Hadn't he promised to stay by her?

_If it weren't for the Daleks._

His anger soared before falling again. It hadn't been directly the Daleks. Just the fault of the strength of human fingers.

Fingers, hair, nothing.

Pain filled him as her face came into his mind again. She had saved the world and nobody would ever know. She would be just another name on the list of the dead.

Dead.

Feeling furious with himself, he closed his eyes. Dead. He always left people dead. Everywhere he went, somebody paid the price for something that usually wasn't their fault. How many people had he lost? A whole race, for starters.

_His _whole race.

A tear rolled down his cheek.

He had killed her. She had trusted him and he wasn't there to catch her. He stood by and watched her be ripped away from him and the place she called home. He should have left her there the day centuries ago when mannequins were attacking the city instead of agreeing to take her with him, but he never had known a damn thing. He was anything but clever. If he was, he wouldn't have let her die.

A pang of guilt hit him. He was going to send her there in the first place so she would live. He got the thing he wanted. She was alive and well while the people below were pale and lifeless over a war that wasn't theirs. Why did he compare her to them? They were innocent people who actually lost their lives. She lived. She was safe from all harm that was because of him.

She was alive. She was just as alive and brilliant and beautiful as she had ever been. Others weren't.

Yet he couldn't believe it. She was dead in this dimension, _his _dimension, and existed in one she hadn't before.

And she took a part of him with her.

His head hurt. He sat down on a desk, holding his head between his hands. His body ached, hearts being stabbed.

Sobbing was something he hated. He wanted to be indestructible, the fearsome person that the universe thought him to be. The last of the mighty Time Lords wasn't supposed to have his shoulders shaking and taking jagged gulps of air. The last of the mighty Time Lords wasn't supposed to have tears soak the fabric of his clothes and eyes so blurred it impaired his vision.

But who else was going to mourn the death of Rose Tyler?


	2. In the TARDIS

It was strange to be alone in the TARDIS after all she had been there. He kept expecting to see blonde hair swish on the other side of the controls. Sometimes he would look twice as his mind played tricks on him, a large smile here and bright eyes there. The sound of her laughter seemed to echo throughout the TARDIS, making him feel as if he were going insane, his mind slipping along with her.

The only noise was the sound of his feet hitting the floor almost vivaciously, moving with a speed he felt driven to go. There had to be a chance, no matter how small and dangerous, that he could see her again. He would tear apart both universes just to hear her voice say "Doctor" one last time. Nothing mattered now. He knew he had responsibilities to keep, billions of lives to keep sustained, but a new kind of desperation had triggered deep within him. He had only felt this a few times before, and God, he knew he shouldn't risk everything to see her again. A hopeless cause wasn't worth the loss of two universes.

But she was priceless, a rare gem that had fallen from him.

A rare gem he had let go of.

The TARDIS was whirring and making a variety of different noises as he continued his search for a gap he could go through. His fingers moved nimbly and hurriedly as he felt seconds tick down in his head. At a certain point he realized he barely even comprehended what he read on the screens; the only thing he would stop to understand was a sign that what he wanted was possible; a sign his wish was granted.

Numbers whirled through his head, adding on to the voices of those living. The voices had come back a few minutes prior, and they made him stressed, a jumbled cacophony getting increasingly louder as he tried to find his Rose, his beautiful and brilliant Rose. The girl who had stared into the vortex so very long ago just to get back to him, the girl who promised him forever.

The girl who let go.

The girl who saved the world.

He shut his eyes as his vision blurred again, a slight grimace on his face. His throat was tight as he watched her falling again, over and over, each second even more agonizing than the last. Suddenly he felt dizzy, clenching the controls in front of him, trying to keep his balance as he watched her hair fall across her face and wild eyes stare up at him before they were gone. His breathing became jagged again, his grip so tight his hands were white.

The TARDIS made a noise, signaling him to look over. His eyes opened suddenly, a stray tear rolling down his cheek as he hurried over to look.

A supernova. There was a supernova happening across the universe, enough energy to get him to see her one last time.

_Last_. The word stabbed at him. Wasn't his life full of lasts? Then why was this so painful?

He rushed around again, hitting levers and buttons to get him there. Silently he prayed that he would do this correctly; it didn't help that there was only one driver aboard his co-piloted ship. Just this once, he wanted to get there the first time he tried, to the right place and the right time. Scenarios played through his head. What if he turned up at the wrong place, never knowing where she went when he had to leave? What if he turned up at the wrong time, when her hair was silver and her eyes were aged, and she barely remembered the time he had shown her the universe?

What if she was dead?

_Don't think about that, _he told himself as his throat clenched once more. _You'll get to her. You'll see her again. You'll see the brilliant Rose Tyler again._

He knew better than to lie to himself.

But he had to hold on to something.


	3. The End

There was a time an eternity ago where the warmth of her hands had cradled the sides of his face, her lips shyly pressing into his, hiding a fervent passion behind it. It was shortly after his regeneration she had approached him and after some conversation that turned rather deep she had given him a uncertain look, hesitantly crossing to him only to kiss him.

He had asked her why she was acting so scared all of a sudden. There was a sad look in her eye as she said she wanted to make sure it was the same man inside, not a new mind and new opinions, and she just needed to see how reacted to her kiss. He gave a small smile and said gently, "Oh, my Rose Tyler," and he gently pulled her to him, his hand wrapped around her chin lightly but his lips harshly crushing hers. She relaxed, bringing her hands back to the sides of his face, kissing back fiercely.

After that day something blossomed between them. Sometimes during quiet moments he would find her hand entwined in his; her head buried into his chest, listening silently to the way it rose and fell as he breathed; his arms wrapped tightly around her during moments she was feeling down, her heart beating with his hearts, causing him to close his eyes and think of all the magnificent things Rose Tyler was.

But that was a thousand lifetimes ago. Now there was nobody to hold as tears rolled down his face. It hurt to breathe, memories of her jabbing every vulnerable part of him, making him weak.

Stupid, that's what he was. Stupid. He had let himself believe promises of forever while her hand was wrapped in his. He knew she couldn't stay, yet he let himself believe that for once the end wouldn't come. She'd be young like him for centuries, milleniums, every one of her steps by his side.

He was a complete and utter imbecile.

The promises of forever had shattered on the Norwegian beach. That damn Norwegian beach just like that damn concrete wall had ripped her away from his fingers, only this time he had slipped.

Before he had gone there, he had whispered her name inside the TARDIS, in hope she could possibly hear him all the way in her universe. It was another vain, childish hope, but it had worked.

She was breathtaking on the beach, her hair waving wildly in the wind. When their eyes had met, something seemed to pass between them in an instant before she turned to him. He couldn't help but give sad smiles as she talked to him. This would be the last time. She couldn't touch him, and he couldn't hold her hand. His hearts wrenched in his chest as tears slid down her face and she vainly wiped them away. Their time together was unknown; he only had estimates. He tried not to let the worry show on his face that any moment he could be taken away. He didn't want to make Rose anymore upset; he didn't want to make himself upset either. The sooner he could let go of her, the better. They both knew somewhere deep inside a day like this was coming, but this was an even harder hit.

* * *

_I love you._

He knew it the whole time. They both knew it. It was almost a secret they kept between themselves, never announcing it. It was such a heavy sentence, filled with feelings of nervousness and remorse.

It didn't matter anymore if she said it. They weren't going to see each other again. Yet when it came out, he didn't know how to exactly react, knowing that a lot hung on what he would say next.

_Quite right too._

He had to smile to try to force tears away. He would never get to feel her ever again, holding her to him as they traveled throughout time and space. He would never get to explore what might have been even better than the time he was already spending with Rose. This was the end. Why was that so hard to grasp? It was the end, and he could say whatever he wanted. He was used to this. Endings made up so much of his life. Beginnings were something he wasn't used to; just launched in the middle of something to watch it die. No matter who he saved, he would watch something fall out of existence.

"The Doctor." Doctors were supposed to save people, not cause even more damage.

He was running out of time to respond to her and tell her everything he wanted to. How much worse could he make the situation? He could say whatever he wanted.

_And I suppose... it's my last chance to say it... Rose Tyler-_

He had blown it. He had blown their last goodbye, their last chance to exchange feelings before she faded away from him again.

There was a vast difference between knowing what he was going to say and what he didn't get to say. She knew it; she knew that he loved her. God, he loved her. He burned up a sun to say goodbye. But the fact that he was cut short so fast made all the difference.

The TARDIS seemed so much colder as he stood there alone, trying to breathe normally as tears streamed down his face. When she was there, the ship was always so bright in the inside, humming happily as he and Rose interacted. Now it was a solemn blue-green light splashed against a faded gold, hollow and sad.

He was used to being alone, but remembering those times never made him feel better. It just reminded him of times he laid in his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he felt the harsh grip of loneliness making it hard to draw a breath.

He had told her he would be okay without her. He would go about doing the same things he always did. She didn't need to worry about him.

But the Doctor lies.

Circling the control panel, he managed to calm down some, unsure of where to go. He had been so excited before, eager to show Rose everything, but now he had no destinations. The only place he wanted to be was beside her on that beach in Norway, feeling her soft hand in his.

It was the concrete wall that marked the end of the Rose Tyler's existence.

It was the beach that ended the wonderful days of the Doctor and his precious Rose.


End file.
